It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
