id be glad to
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
