WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
