the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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