you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
