There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
