I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
