i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i drank out of a bidet.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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