Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
