ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
