Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
