85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
