i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
