i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
