You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
