Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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