Reggie can tackle my bush.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize