May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
