At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
