im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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