So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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