my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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