You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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