dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
