Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
