in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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