I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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