Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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