I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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