Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
