You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
