Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
