Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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