i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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