This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
