I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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