apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
