I just threw up on my dentist
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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