Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
no more duck duck goose at the bar
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
