I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
