Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
