I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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