I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
