legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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