Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
