Rock
Scissors
Fuck
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
