he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
