my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
