if i can run in heels then i can drive
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
