i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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