Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
