I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
