I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
