I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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