barbara walters just said penis...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
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