There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
