last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
