1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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