First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you will always have a special place in my vag
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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