i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
