My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
