I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
