I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
