remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
