I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
