weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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