I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
