Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
