Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
