Do you still have your period?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
