I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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