I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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