I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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