i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
